


Clarity

by Vagabond



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Symbolism, dark!Will sort of, i don't even know what i'm doing, jackal, nightmare stag, swiggity swag it is the nightmare stag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 16:34:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1311658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vagabond/pseuds/Vagabond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time, Will felt truly and spectacularly alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clarity

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics are pulled from [Clarity by Zedd (feat. Foxes)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9Q7GISatW0). I've been pondering the stag and the jackal piece for a few days now but this song gave me the necessary prospective to actually make a fic out of it. 
> 
> I don't normally like song fics because they end up cheesier than I intend, but I hope this one didn't come out that way. I've combined a lot of concepts in this piece, but Will's 'becoming' stems from not only Red Dragon (as it is a term Thomas Harris uses to describe Francis Dolarhyde's transformation) but from Carl Jung's psychoanalytic theory and the concept of self-actualization. We truly come into who we are when we accept all facets of ourselves as an individual while still being connected with the world. Alone but connected. 
> 
> I hope this isn't terrible.

_High dive into frozen waves_

_Where the past comes back to life_

_Fight fear for the selfish pain_

_It was worth it every time_

_Hold still right before we crash,_

_‘Cause we both know how this ends_

_A clock ticks ‘till it breaks your glass_

_And I drown in you again_

The breeze chilled Will to the bone. He realized belatedly that he was standing in the woods wearing nothing but his underwear and a t-shirt. For a minute he simply stood and allowed the world to right itself around him. Had he been sleep walking again? He glanced at his wrist and realized with a deep sense of disappointment that he had taken his watch off before bed. There was no true way to gauge his sense of time but from the light in the sky he decided he hadn’t lost time. No, this had to be sleepwalking, plain and simple.

How far he’d apparently walked was a different story because as he glanced around he realized with a sick feeling in his stomach that the trees around him were not his. He knew the forests around his home like the back of his own hand and the tall pine trees were alien to him. Will frowned and looked down at his feet but they were strangely unmarred. His mind jumped ahead and he realized he also wasn’t in pain. For a man who was always aching, be it his shoulder, head, or any number of other aches, it alarmed him to feel absolutely pain free.

He had to be dreaming.

As if reading his mind, the feathered stag stepped out from between the trees and watched Will with dark eyes. In past dreams the stag had felt like a weight on his shoulders, a demon following him, taunting him. However, in this dream the stag was calm and airy. It simply wished to be in his presence. The pendulum of light swung once, twice, and Will understood what the stag wanted. He needed to transform, to become, to give into the wild beast that lay in wait.

The stag somehow knew he’d come to the correct conclusion because it turned and sprang away. It ran away from him and before Will understood what he was doing, or was even able to make a conscious choice, he took off after the stag.

“Come back!” He cried out, ignoring the way branches bit into his skin as he crashed into them.

Will felt outside of himself, but grounded. The stag, the dream, the forest, and everything else around him had put life back in his bones. Adrenaline pumped through his body as he chased the stag, barely able to keep eyes on the creature as it dashed away from him. As he ran he changed. His body dropped to the ground. Will’s feet and hands became giant black paws that struck the dirt with purpose and propelled him forward faster. When his transformation was complete he ran with the strength of a jackal and threw his head back so his muzzle was pointed toward the sky. Will howled as he ran, he howled to commemorate the chase and to call to the stag which returned his howl with a bellow.

_‘Cause you are the piece of me,_

_I wish I didn’t need_

_Chasing, relentlessly,_

_Still fight and I don’t know why_

_If our love is tragedy,_

_Why are you my remedy?_

_If our love’s, insanity,_

_Why are you my clarity?_

Will ran faster as a jackal, his body long and lithe, every nerve on fire from the excitement of the chase. At the end of the line there was more than a stag, more than just a symbol that haunted his dreams. There was a piece of him that he had been missing. His paws hit the ground and he howled again as the stag’s scent filled his nostrils. Will inhaled deeply and gained on the stag, mind swimming with what it all could possibly mean. For the first time in ages he felt truly alive, revitalized, and he felt like himself. He’d spent so much time becoming other people he had long forgotten what it felt to just be him.

_My name is Will Graham. I am a jackal. I am an animal. I am death and life and rebirth._

He howled with pure joy as a jolt of electricity coursed through him.

_I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m me. I’m alive._

The man that had been lost beneath empathy disorders, psychosis, and a fever had finally been found again. As he ran the forest around him fell away and he found he was in a familiar field. He slowed, deep chest heaving as his entire body tingled with untapped energy. If he glanced behind him he would see a light in the distance, like a lighthouse on the sea. The field was his, the strange forest had been left behind and he was home.

Now the stag had stopped to stand ten feet in front of him. It watched him and Will realized the stag was waiting for him. This had to be the next step. Something deep inside told him he knew exactly what the stag was, exactly _who_ the beast was. He simply needed to decide if he was ready to accept it and ultimately accept himself.

“Hannibal.” Will whispered and ignored how strange it felt to have plain language slip from the muzzle of a jackal.

The stag bellowed to him. It wanted more. It did not require his soft confession but a loud proclamation to the world. Silence fell and the stag stared, waiting, his eyes shifting from inky black to the warm reddish brown Will knew all too well.

“Hannibal.” Will’s voice was stronger now and he snarled and enjoyed the way his lips curled up over rows of sharp teeth. He was powerful, he was strong, but he slipped away from the jackal and back into his own skin. His body trembled as he fell to his knees and stared straight into the stag’s eyes.

“Hannibal!” He screamed loudly across the field and his trembling subsided. The stag disappeared and his friend stood before him and held out his hand.

_If our love is tragedy,_

_Why are you my remedy?_

_If our love’s insanity,_

_Why are you my clarity?_

_Walk on through a red parade,_

_And refuse to make amends_

_It cuts deep through our ground and makes_

_Us forget all common sense_

Against his better judgment, Will reached up and took Hannibal’s hand. He was pulled to his feet and glanced down to realize he was naked. Strangely enough he didn’t care because Hannibal was naked, too, and equally careless. It must have been what Adam and Eve felt before the fall, perfectly confident in their skin and without a care about what the world thought.

“Is this your reckoning, Will?” Hannibal asked with an amused look on his face.

“No. This is.” Will felt a fire burning at the center of his very being and shoved Hannibal back onto the grass. The other man laughed as he hit the solid ground and stared openly and lustfully from where he lay.

“Come then, Will. Allow me to feel your anger, your anguish, your pain, and your ultimate becoming.” He purred, and Will was on him in a minute, feeling every bit the wild animal he’d been not two minutes before. Their mouths came together in a clash of teeth, fingernails biting into flesh, Hannibal’s nails dragging down Will’s back. A voice in Will’s head told him this was wrong but it was killed, slaughtered, thrown away as he gave in to lust.

Hannibal was open to him, almost submissive though Will could feel the other man’s power lurking just beneath his skin. It made him tingle. They could kill each other, plunge their hands into each other’s skin and rip out organs. Instead, Will lined their hips up and ground against Hannibal as his mouth worked across the man’s throat. A sense of possessiveness rose within Will as he heard Hannibal moan and he sank his teeth into his partner’s throat. Tangy copper burst into his mouth as he drew blood and he lapped at it hungrily, growling as Hannibal’s fingers dug into his hips and pulled him down.

They bit and scratched and pulled at each other. At one point Will was pinned to the ground beneath his stag, his Hannibal, and he offered up his throat. They were bonding, two bodies and two souls coming into themselves together. Will flipped Hannibal back and pinned him to the grass on his stomach, weight bearing down heavily on him. With the slightest shift and quick preparation he took what he wanted from Hannibal, pressing into him with a gasp. It was right. He knew it was right as he filled the being beneath him and caught Hannibal’s eye when he tilted his head.

The universe had created them to crash into each other and they were consummating it, accepting their fates which were so miraculously entwined. Will was a killer too in his own way and as he fucked Hannibal he felt every bit like himself. He was centered. It didn’t make sense, none of it did, yet he knew it was exactly what was supposed to happen. As Will took from Hannibal precisely what he needed, he kissed and nipped down the man’s back, claiming every inch of him.

In an instant the tables were turned. Hannibal pulled away and flipped them. Will slammed hard on his back and gasped. Blue eyes found crimson as Will’s legs were spread and Hannibal pressed into him. There was something slower about this, calmer. It made sense, as Hannibal had learned to refine his animalistic tendencies long ago when he first realized what he was. Will, on the other hand, was a new creation. He was experiencing his rebirth. Will was raw energy and Hannibal was the black hole willing to help contain him.

Hannibal slid into him and the world felt right again as he arched his back and pressed his head back into the ground. Will’s fingers were curled in the damp grass as Hannibal pulled back and thrust hard into him. They stalled for a moment, Hannibal buried in Will completely, and stared at each other. Then Hannibal leaned forward, his body covering Will’s, hands finding the other man’s. Their fingers were laced together then and Hannibal was pressing his hands into the dirt above his head.

“Slow, Will,” he whispered against his jaw, “there is so much to enjoy.”

In response, Will moved his legs around Hannibal’s hips and gasped with the next thrust, his body trembling. It was intimate, too intimate, and Will felt panicked until Hannibal squeezed his hands, angled himself, and thrust in again.

All Will saw was white as his body arched and his cock ached.

“Look at me, Will.” Hannibal instructed and Will did and was rewarded with a kiss. They moved together and found their rhythm with ease as they made love. At first Will was unwilling to give himself over to it but with a few more slow thrusts he felt his body giving in. His muscles relaxed. Everything was Hannibal in that moment as the man’s scent surrounded him and his strong arms pinned him down. He was still inexplicably Will, but also Hannibal, and Hannibal was him. They were one.

One creature, one monster, one animal that yearned to tear itself and the world apart at the seams.

_Don’t speak as I try to leave,_

_‘Cause we both know what we’ll choose_

_If you pull then I’ll push too deep_

_And I’ll fall right back to you_

_‘Cause you are the piece of me_

_I wish I didn’t need_

_Chasing, relentlessly_

_Still fight and I don’t know why_

Will felt heat pooling at the base of his spine as each of Hannibal’s thrusts sent a shock of heat through his system. He could tell Hannibal was close, too, and tilted his head back to moan. For the first time in his life Will felt complete as Hannibal’s pace quickened. The animal was coming unraveled and Hannibal released Will’s hands so he could wrap them around the man above him. Hannibal fucked him relentlessly, a string of words in a language Will didn’t understand flowing from his mouth. Will moaned, gasped, and praised Hannibal’s name in return.

There was nothing but a hot white light as they both came, Hannibal spilling into Will and Will spilling onto his own stomach. In that moment they were one and Will could feel everything Hannibal felt. They were in each other’s skin, bones fusing together as their bodies rocked and trembled. The moment slowly faded though Will could still hear his heart beating hard against his chest and it reminded him just how alive he felt.

They remained paired as they came down from the high, Will’s body trembling with exhaustion and he idly noted that Hannibal’s was, too. The air around their bodies was warm and comfortable. Everything was comfortable until Hannibal slid out and Will felt empty, but still connected. He pulled his hands away from Hannibal’s back and saw blood on his fingertips. Will caught Hannibal’s gaze with his own and brought the fingers to his mouth. Slowly, sensually, he licked the blood off of them and enjoyed the way Hannibal’s eyes burned with affection.

Bruised, battered, exhausted, but content they rested on the grass side by side and stared up at the starry sky. Will tilted his head and saw the shadowy jackal stalking along the edge of his peripheral vision, the stag near his flank. They were practically one creature now, their black pelts blending into one another and for a split second the jackal sported a fine head of antlers and hooves.

“This is insanity,” Will murmured as he looked back to the sky, “right?”

“Perhaps, or perhaps we are the only ones in this world who have true clarity.” Hannibal mused and Will admired the other man’s naked body in the moonlight.

“This won’t end well for us, will it.” It wasn’t really a question and Will didn’t want to know the answer, but he knew Hannibal had one anyway.

“Certainly not. It never does for people like us, but it does not mean we cannot enjoy it while we have it.” Hannibal met Will’s gaze for a moment before glancing back toward the stars.

“I finally know who I am, but you’ve known all along haven’t you?” Will finally asked and swallowed hard, the words almost sticking in his throat. “You’ve always known.”

Hannibal neglected to answer and Will figured it was for the best.

_If our love is tragedy,_

_Why are you my remedy?_

_If our love’s insanity,_

_Why are you my clarity?_

Will woke up with a start and sat up on the bed, remaining still for a moment to allow the world around him to become tangible. When it did, he realized he was still in his cell, locked away for crimes he hadn’t committed. Yet where there was once rage he felt peace and turned his head to stare out of the bars of his cage out at the wall across from him.

There would be a reckoning, one of his own design, because he finally understood who he was.


End file.
